Writer's block.

It's quite strange, writing.
Since I do some music I have been trying for years to write a song. In a way, I don't know anything about how do it. It's parly about talent. To some people it's easy. Or at least it seems like it is. But there must be some technique to it.
Anyway anytime I've tried to come up with something and tried to write it down, either nothing was coming or it looked so embarassing that I would just destroy the evidence.
When writing in a blog, it's different, but there's a bit of that as well.

What's strange is that when I walk, or run, or when I go to bed, just about to slide into sleep, I always think about lots of things and sometimes I come up with stuff of which I think "that could be a song" or "I could talk about that in my blog".
In my head, it always looks like genius things. And then thet next day, when I try to actually come to try and reproduce this "genius", it always falls flat. I often think that I should get up on the moment, take some pen and paper and write it down, so I won't forget. I mean, if it's that good, I should definitely not let it get away...

The other question is "was it really genius"? My best guess now, is that if I actually tried to write my ideas on the spot, it would be the same result as the next day. Either nothing or crap...

In my head, my thoughts are so nice. How couldn't they? They're all in context. I know myself (I have the prentention to think I know myself pretty well actually). So a thought is always counter balanced by the rest of them. By my experience. By my values. I always know when I'm kidding, or when I'm being ironic, etc.

On paper (out of my mind), a thought is alone. It needs to be supported by other thoughts, carefully chosen. Because if it's being read by someone else, it's going to be interpreted through that person's scope of thoughts and obviously being translated and in a way misunderstood.
Words from the White Stripes come to mind. "cos I think my words could get twisted, so I bend my back over, take a gulp and be funny cos I know there's nothing I can do"
It kinds of sums it up.

On the other hand, society is about sharing this kind of things. So is that a reason to keep my mouth shut? I'd think not...
I misunderstand a lot of things myself. Most things actually. In theory, a misunderstanding should be a 1st step to an explaination... If others are listening.
And there's also not much point in arguing with someone who agrees with you. It's through talking and thinking through opposite reasonnings that one can actually build something for himself. And evolve.

On this blog, I tend to write a lot of things in a kind of a rush and sometimes I reread myself a few days later and think "that's quite crap". I tend to want to correct it. On the other hand, is that quite right? At some point I wrote that down, so I thought it was the correct thing to write. If later on I think it's actually wrong, I have to deal with that. Explain myself. Be more precise on what I wanted to express, because most of the time it's not that I've changed my mind, but that what I express was to "raw"...
In a sense, it's also the fact that when you write something that's going to be read or heard by others, like that with nothing else, it's you who will be accounted for those thoughts. It's yourself who's on the line. It's been written, it's here. I did it. That was me. If I don't like it anymore, still I'm responsible for it. It reflects who I am. It's quite a responsibility... Especially when people are going to judge you even before knowing if they really understood what you wanted to say...

If I don't like what that shows of me, then maybe I just don't like myself. Maybe I should change that then. But even if I like it, then I still have to defend myself against people who disagree...
Both ways, it can a very constructive process. Although it's always going to be painful.

On the other hand, as far as I'm concerned, who reads me? Pretty much no one. So that's OK then. ;)

Anyway I have so much respect for guys that are able to write, especially through music, things that actually talk to a lot of people.
Maybe one day, after many fails, I will be able to do that as well. I can only try. And hope.

That's it I'm done with this text.
I'll read it tomorrow and see if it's really any good... ;)